ME, MYSELF AND ANXIETY | #mentalhealthawareness

Thursday 10 October 2019


During my teen years, I suffered from Anxiety. I didn't know it back then and it's taken me till my late twenties to realize and deal with my mental illness. "Oh you're just a shy girl" , "You just need to come out of your shell", "No need to worry" "Get out more" Just a few words that have been endlessly repeated of the course of my growing pains. I was a shy girl. But that shyness turned into an illness. 

I have been diagnosed by a doctor for my anxiety and even had medication to calm my Anxiety and Depression. But due to the endless cycle of it all I have not been back for more medication.

During the years, I've been able to identify my own symptoms and what triggers them. I try and stay clear of triggers but day to day tasks need to be faced head on. Phone calls are a big problem and during my office jobs, it was a terrifying time. Every phone call was a panic attack, a stumble of words and nausea. But I got through them. Even opening emails could trigger my heart pounding. I most certainly try not to strike up a conversation with a stranger unless it's saying please and thank you. I can't even order food at a takeaway without stumbling all over my words. Thank goodness for online ordering and McDonald's kiosks.

Going out side can trigger symptoms of my heart pounding so hard in my chest, it makes me want to wheeze, a nauseous belly that won't settle, my whole body slumping into a tired state screaming to let me know it doesn't want to leave the house. It's been like this for a week and it will happen again. Most time's its fine. As long as I have a routine.

FLASHBACK

I went for a job interview a few years ago. I remember being on the train. My heart beating so fast that I could hardly breathe. I was having a panic attack. I rarely get panic attacks but this one winded me. I've had job interviews before for roles that I had experience in and was comfortable knowing what to do. This job asked that I serve customers food and drink. That I had to memorize how to make drinks. Greet strangers. Something I wasn't use to. My whole body was screaming not to go to this job interview. And I was even talking myself out of it "no one would actually know if you went, you could just lie and say it went well and when you don't hear back just put it down as not being the right candidate" For 30 minutes I was in a state of panic. I kept telling myself that I'd be alright. I can go to the shopping center and sit down for a breather before heading into the interview. Luckily I was around twenty minutes early. I sat down at the nearest bench to the cafe and tried to calm myself down. I listened to some music. And told myself everything was fine. Nothing bad was going to happen and I wasn't a complete failure.

I managed to go through with the interview and then get a second round. This time I would be doing a trail run of serving customers. As I was on such a high from getting past the first interview stage, it hadn't sunk in that I'd be doing something that made me uneasy. A few days later I was having a trial interview. Serving customers their drink orders. With each customer it got a little easier. I powered through. Unfortunately I didn't get that job but it was a learning curve on and I look back on this as a reminder that I CAN DO IT.

PRESENT DAY
Anxiety is not wanting to stand up in any class/office situation to put rubbish in a bin, sometimes it's even hiding parts of your personality so people don't judge, it's being quiet in social environments because speaking up is daunting. Anxiety is not leaving the house if your hair is slightly oily or your outfit doesn't look right. Anxiety is crying for no reason or for every reason imaginable. Anxiety is being so exhausted at being anxious that you cannot be bothered with cleaning and you just want to stay in bed all day and read a book.
Anxiety is needing reassurance all the time, sweating more than usual, constant worrying, headaches, avoidance, overthinking, memory issues and a lot of procrastination. I get most if not all of these symptoms. And I'm sure you have at some point.

I don't normally talk about my anxiety so openly to friends or family. Not because I feel like a burden. Some understand, most of them don't. I know I'm not alone in this too. Many of my online friends and followers suffer from anxiety in many different ways.

I want to list some of the things I do to calm my anxiety. Reminder that It's only temporary.

  • Drinking lots of Water
  • Listen to favourite playlists
  • Open a window if you can, get some cool air.
  • Breathe
  • Fidgeting (I use a fidget cube, if I'm at home I also use putty or slime)
  • ASMR Videos (I really love DizzyKittens ASMR)
  • Distractions - Read a book, make something.
  • Disconnect from the internet for 30 minutes.
I also like to journal, get creative and play video games. 

Did you know there are 5 types of anxiety! General, Social, PTSD, OCD and Panic Disorder. 
There's also a song to help you reduce anxiety by 65%. I'm not sure how true it is but if you would like to listen to Marconi Union's Weightless for yourself then go ahead.

What are your go to devices to help with Anxiety?


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