Monday, 24 February 2014

I'm one of those people who are shy, quiet and won't speak up about anything unless I'm quite comfortable to be around you. I'm what you would call a "loner". I was pretty much just that in High School. I had a few friends but not many. Mostly one or two close friends I could relate to at that time. And I'm still in touch with these friends too but I wouldn't say I hang out with them as much as I would like. Life gets in the way. Being an adult and finding time to socialize is quite challenging for me. I'm just getting by with dealing with my rent and everyday essentials and this is why I don't go out and buy the latest outfit or beauty products and my blog isn't full of these reviews. I would love to be able to do a make-up haul sometime!
I have low self esteem and body issues. I'm not confident and I get nervous whenever I meet someone new. Oh how I wish I was 5 years old. That age when you could just walk up to any kid on the playground and automatically be best friends for half an hour. My body and looks are not up to my standard. I'm what doctors would class as obese even though I'm only 3 stone over my perfect weight! I hate my body and I hate how I feel about it. One of life's lessons is to love yourself and that is hard when you are consistently loathing your body. "But you're beautiful" some of you say. It's all just good camera angles. Something I've been able to do since our MySpace days. I hardly have full body pictures and I hate it when other people take my photo. "Check out my five chins!", "Eww look at my skin!", "I look pregnant!". Just some of the thoughts in my head. I am always the girl behind the camera, not in front. I'm always trying to eat healthy but I fail everytime. Hello Chinese takeaway. I'm trying to slowly become a vegetarian...slowly...

You may be wondering why I'm writing this post. Since I started blogging, I've been making new friends, booking events to attend because I hardly go out and its one of my goals to do new things and experience new adventures and it suddenly hit me that I would be meeting people I've only ever talked to online. I have online friends that I've known forever and they've seen me on skype once or twice but never have they met me in person. Same goes for everyone I'll be meeting through blogging or through Newcastle Comic Con. I'll be a nervous wreck. "What if they don't like me?" , "What if they find me repulsive because I'm not as thin as others?!", "What if they think I don't like them because I can't find anything to talk about?" These thoughts run though my head.

Don't get me wrong. I can't wait to meet everyone , have connections and new people to hang out with. Sometimes I just need a girl friend to hang out with and eat food, shop and watch films without feeling like I have nothing to say to them or worrying that they might not like me. I'm around my fiance 24/7 because I can't go outside on my own. I feel like everyone is staring at me. Even though most of the time, no one really cares. I just can't help but have this feeling.

So if I'm shy when I first meet you. It's not because I don't like you. It's because I have no idea what to say to you or how to react. Socializing has never been my strong point and I'm cooped up in my house, wishing I had money to go to Starbucks and have a natter. I'm thankful blogging has let me know some amazing people.

Are you as socially awkward as me?



  1. I love this post, sweetie. I totally relate to how you're feeling. I'm glad you've met so many lovely people and made new friends, it's something I'm really enjoying too even though I really struggle to talk to other people. Blogging seems like such a good way to meet people when meeting them in person doesn't feel like something that's easy. I know I'm just some stranger that reads your blogs, but you're welcome to chat to me any time because you seem like such a lovely girl who loves a lot of things I love! (please don't take this as creepy, please don't take this as creepy). x

  2. I feel exactly the same. I think that people are often naturally disposed to be introverted and shy but it does often go hand in hand with self-loathing. I feel exactly the same about my body - always trying to eat healthily and trying to become veggie - and its kinda difficult when you see everyone looking great in their outfit pics. Good luck with future events - I'm sure it will be fine. :)

  3. I know exactly how you feel, I never really had that many close friends until university, and even then I'm scared that one day they'll turn around and say they don't like me! I'm sure you'll make some amazing new friends at these events, and there is nothing wrong with being shy. And like a couple of other people have commented, feel free to send me a wee message if you ever need to talk, even if it is just about video games!

  4. I'm so sorry that you guys feel like this. I was very socially awkward during the teenage years and then throughout my 20's but gradually grew out of it in my 30's. I thought I was boring and ugly and no-one liked me and then became incredibly shy. I couldn't seem to have a conversation with anyone. I have learned that most people in life only have a handful very close friends which is better than being 'friendly' with dozens of others that probably aren't that bothered! I also believe that exceptionally loud people or those that seem to be popular, crave attention or that there's something in them, a weakness, which needs to be fulfilled by others. Who knows what people really think of them.
    I think you're beautiful. Its good to spend a few moments each day standing in front of the mirror and tell yourself you're beautiful, lovely, gorgeous....... I know a fb page called 'operation beautiful', that may be able to encourage you.
    This is an interesting read, I hope you continue to make plenty of friends at blogging events.

  5. Oh Jess I know the feeling you're a wonderful person and to me I think there is nothing wrong with you, I know it's easy for me to say that an you feel a different way because that's exactly my reactions when people tell me I'm fine. I'm glad I have formed a friendship with you and it's been lovely! You and tony are wonderful together and you will gain more confidence slowly maybe but you will and none of us bloggers would judge you on the way you look or your weight or even if you had a missing limb, stay who you're because that's what makes you awesome. Have a wonderful evening, btw that flower crown looks nice ;) xxxx

  6. I used to feel exactly like this too and whilst I do still struggle with my confidence at times I've found that as I've got older it's slowly got better and better, I'd still say I'm very shy and feel awkward but I've learnt to cover it up better and push myself to be brave. I think once you get through your 20s and approach your 30s it gets easier and easier! Don't beat yourself up about it .. be happy with who you are and the rest will follow xx

  7. I'm sorry that you feel this way- but, hey it's ok to be socially awkward- i like to try and take it in my stride and then ramble continuously to try and cleanse the awkwardness... which usually enhances it lol. I think both you and your blog are amazing... hopefully see you at a north east bloggers meet up :)
    p.s. i've nominated you for the liebster award over on xo

  8. I don't have any friends really tbh. I hang out with my Man and our animals or my parents haha.
    And it's the exact reason why I just can't bring myself to go to any bloggers meet ups and stuff - I'm petrified of people. I work in retail and do well with strangers, mainly 'cause I'll never see them again but in a socializing aspect I suck.
    I guess it's just the way I'm meant to be but well done you for pushing yourself to try and meet new people.

    Best wishes,
    Danielle x

  9. I am, sometimes I feel like I have to apologise over and over again for being quiet and I get worried people might not like me because of it. To be honest I don't really have any friends, which some people find odd but I guess that's life sometimes, I'm thankful for the blogging world, its nice to interact with people in some way and I've started to go to meet ups etc. to help boost my confidence. Good luck with attending events, once you get one out of the way, meet up with someone of the internet it gets easier!